Love Letter

Spinning...and spinning...round and round, my feelings are slowly fading away...good or bad, wrong or right...i guess i'll find out. My heart is confused, my mind can't think clear, my body shivers...it's been a long time since i felt this way.

I want happiness maybe to much and that's why it's so hard getting it. I want love, not anykind of love, but that deep, true, passionate and unconditional love, MY love.

I want you so bad sometimes and sometimes i feel like i don't even exist for you. I want you in my thoughts, in my heart, in my everything. I sometimes want to let go of everything that means "you". I want to forget your smell that blows my mind, your looks that hypnotize me, your smile that always brightens my day, your touch that almost makes me scream, your love that really makes me happy, that completes me, that makes me feel the happiest and most loved woman in the world.

I would and wouldn't want to forget all that. And i'm not a masochist, i'm human and i'd rather deal with me and my feelings than forget the happiest moments of my life.

I would love if you could see yourself through my eyes, through my soul, only so you'll come to realize what i see and feel...maybe then you'll understand me.

Or, maybe i'm wrong, maybe i'm blinded by my feelings...patience is all i need. And i also need strenght to go through, to go on and  if i have to, over.

When we're together i feel like we're alone in the world and we have to make it, to design and mould it into heaven on earth. There are times when the world is quite as it is right now and it's at war and we fight together like superhumans, we fight for real things.

"I feel like an addict must feel when he feeds" (Alicia Keys-Dragon days) when i'm with you.

I also see us so apart...like none of us belongs here, but, even so, we're very far away from eachother and the odd thing is that it still hurts.

I'm affraid that every step i make towards someone fires back at me, i feel i shouldn't get close to someone because i'll end up hurting. Maybe it's my fault or maybe it's karma, because when i have all i need i don't appreciate it as i should and when i'm madly in love with someone the feeling isn't mutual or there has to be something in the way. 

All i know right now is that i have to keep myself together, keep my mind as clear as i can and keep my calm...i'm done waiting, asking, begging...i'm trying to be a better me, although i feel that awfull feeling again: the feeling that i have nothing to fight for and i'm about to give up.

                                                            

                                                                      Your's truly...

P.S.: But now i have found my battle...i'm fighting for a better world, i'm doing my best to make it more colourfull, more bright, more hopeful.